Comments for your first essay: I thought you really grasped the themes in the original prompt and you explained individual passages nicely. You had a few run on sentences, and they were a little hard to follow. But otherwise, nice!
Second essay: I really liked your use of relevant quotes. I never remember to add them/I can never find the ones I want. Kudos. You took a totally different approach to the prompt that I had never even thought of, so it was cool reading a different perspective. Again, a few run on sentences that can be broken up, i.e. your whole first paragraph is three sentences. But overall, good points and excellent communication of ideas.
Thanks! I did realize that I do often write bwith sentences like that....whoops! I'll make sure to fix that in the future! (PS I had the same feeling about your Poisonwood essay!)
Essay 1: starting off the essay with a question was a good way to grab the readers interest but i would refrain from asking too many questions throughout the essay. You stated that you believe she prefers the Old Leisure but i feel like she was in a way criticizing both Old and Modern Leisure...The old leisure was ignorant and self centered while the Modern leisure was also disconnected in that we have this essence of false enlightenment and really have no attatchment to the things we seem to be persuing. You used some pretty good vocabulary in this essay as well so i must commend you on that. Essay 2: I like how you used pathos and provided quotes from different sources. You also used a lot of good evidence to back up your claims while avoiding summarizing (like th eprompt said not to do). And lastly, your comclusion was very strong. Good job!
For the first essay I liked that we had pretty similar thoughts. Even up to using the same quote. You had really good concrete ideas and expanded on them really well. For the second essay it was very relatable because I have read the book also. Very impressed by both lengths of the essay. And thought it was a really good idea to had Feli read them and edit them physically. I might need to steal that idea!
I liked them. Good use of quotes and your understanding of what you were talking about was pretty good. the elaborations on your examples were good too which goes hand in hand with the amount content you included.
If you are gonna scan, then I recommend that you lower the darkness on the scan options that way all your pencil marks will be visable
As you can see,I have already proofread this essay but I will reiterate just for the heck of it. Essay 1 only answers 2/3 of the prompt. Meaning, the stylistic devices weren't mentioned in this essay. Erika fixes this problem in essay 2 where she does answer the prompt fully. I gave her an 8 because she answered the prompt yet she had grammatical errors that brought down her score a little.
Both essays were really good to me. You used really good examples in both and definitely talked about them thoroughly. The use of all the quotes in the second essay was fantastic!
Comments for your first essay: I thought you really grasped the themes in the original prompt and you explained individual passages nicely. You had a few run on sentences, and they were a little hard to follow. But otherwise, nice!
ReplyDeleteSecond essay: I really liked your use of relevant quotes. I never remember to add them/I can never find the ones I want. Kudos. You took a totally different approach to the prompt that I had never even thought of, so it was cool reading a different perspective. Again, a few run on sentences that can be broken up, i.e. your whole first paragraph is three sentences. But overall, good points and excellent communication of ideas.
Thanks! I did realize that I do often write bwith sentences like that....whoops! I'll make sure to fix that in the future! (PS I had the same feeling about your Poisonwood essay!)
DeleteEssay 1: starting off the essay with a question was a good way to grab the readers interest but i would refrain from asking too many questions throughout the essay. You stated that you believe she prefers the Old Leisure but i feel like she was in a way criticizing both Old and Modern Leisure...The old leisure was ignorant and self centered while the Modern leisure was also disconnected in that we have this essence of false enlightenment and really have no attatchment to the things we seem to be persuing. You used some pretty good vocabulary in this essay as well so i must commend you on that.
ReplyDeleteEssay 2: I like how you used pathos and provided quotes from different sources. You also used a lot of good evidence to back up your claims while avoiding summarizing (like th eprompt said not to do). And lastly, your comclusion was very strong. Good job!
For the first essay I liked that we had pretty similar thoughts. Even up to using the same quote. You had really good concrete ideas and expanded on them really well.
ReplyDeleteFor the second essay it was very relatable because I have read the book also. Very impressed by both lengths of the essay. And thought it was a really good idea to had Feli read them and edit them physically. I might need to steal that idea!
I liked them. Good use of quotes and your understanding of what you were talking about was pretty good. the elaborations on your examples were good too which goes hand in hand with the amount content you included.
ReplyDeleteIf you are gonna scan, then I recommend that you lower the darkness on the scan options that way all your pencil marks will be visable
As you can see,I have already proofread this essay but I will reiterate just for the heck of it. Essay 1 only answers 2/3 of the prompt. Meaning, the stylistic devices weren't mentioned in this essay. Erika fixes this problem in essay 2 where she does answer the prompt fully. I gave her an 8 because she answered the prompt yet she had grammatical errors that brought down her score a little.
ReplyDeleteBoth essays were really good to me. You used really good examples in both and definitely talked about them thoroughly. The use of all the quotes in the second essay was fantastic!
ReplyDelete